WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
