One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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