Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I intend to get homeless drunk
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
