I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
