the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
