Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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