mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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