somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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