I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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