i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
How's work?
Spinning.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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