Cold hands, warm shart.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
