oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
