Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
