wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
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Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread