That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."