Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you