there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?