Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."