could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
