...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
