Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
