Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
a search helicopter?!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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