SEEEEXXX PLEASE
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
