my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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