I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
