I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
