I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Did you just see the Batmobile???
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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