I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
