My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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