last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
