it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
