i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Houston, we have a blender
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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