Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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