My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize