I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
