This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
