i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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