i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
