I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
