Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
