the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
