U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
