Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
