you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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