I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
