Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
