i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
