He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
