My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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