ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.