I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Is it penis luge time yet?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
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I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing