Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?