Texts From Last Night

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  (850): View more from Florida

  Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?

  (850): View more from Florida

  I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife

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  (850): Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave? (850): I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife http://tfl.nu/5iik
  Replies (86) Good night (38529) Bad night (1805)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him

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  (954): my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him http://tfl.nu/k9ng
  Replies (28) Good night (4805) Bad night (875)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"

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  (870): You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call" http://tfl.nu/7z02
  Replies (29) Good night (9886) Bad night (813)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick

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  (210): Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick http://tfl.nu/y4fo
  Replies (61) Good night (5532) Bad night (1196)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is

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  (614): Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is http://tfl.nu/l5nn
  Replies (20) Good night (6963) Bad night (1687)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.

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  (336): I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math. http://tfl.nu/wo9g
  Replies (11) Good night (2503) Bad night (793)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"

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  (817): Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside" http://tfl.nu/md9m
  Replies (12) Good night (6415) Bad night (1073)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.

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  (802): she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings. http://tfl.nu/exva
  Replies (14) Good night (3393) Bad night (816)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.

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  (717): Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake. http://tfl.nu/07i4
  Replies (14) Good night (1633) Bad night (2498)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning

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  (412): we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning http://tfl.nu/vjbm
  Replies (7) Good night (3126) Bad night (625)
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  (108): View more from

  Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly

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  (108): Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly http://tfl.nu/wtl4
  Replies (6) Good night (2454) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.

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  (417): I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted. http://tfl.nu/wdy8
  Replies (6) Good night (1496) Bad night (493)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck

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  (720): Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck http://tfl.nu/51rp
  Replies (1) Good night (460) Bad night (1565)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry

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  (803): He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry http://tfl.nu/mcy0
  Replies (4) Good night (313) Bad night (1159)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  You sprinted into the side of a parked car

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  (705): You sprinted into the side of a parked car http://tfl.nu/8ptj
  Replies (0) Good night (815) Bad night (241)

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