i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
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She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
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Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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