wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
