She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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