Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
