We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
