is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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