Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
