He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
