Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
