I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
