dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
