My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
