IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
