"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
