So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
