the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
