ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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