I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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