i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
