Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
