First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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