i just wanna soil my oats bro
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
