Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
