well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Someone came in the potted fern
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
