Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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