In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize