ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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