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just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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