just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you had me at cake vodka
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
