I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The beer is more important than you right now.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
