Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
