no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
